Family jokes

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

Why do orphans play GTA?

To make them feel wanted.

If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?

What do you get when you cross the terms homeless and abandoned?

POORphan

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

I was gonna tell you a joke about my abusive dad...

But I only remember the punch line👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊

My dads just like my eggs... runny. 🤣😭🥺

Why can't an orphan have sex?

Because they can't call them "daddy."

My wife left me and took the kids.

My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.

You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:

While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”

My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.

Why? Why would you do that?

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.

Bob: Kanye West.

Dad: No, but I can East.

What is an orphan's least favorite store?

Family Dollar, they just can’t seem to find one.

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.