Family jokes
Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.
Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
What do you call an orphan?
Homeless.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.
Friend: Hey, wanna race home?
Orphan: What home?
Your hairline went back faster than your adoption papers!
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
What foods are orphans allergic to? Homemade food.
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted!
What do Spider-Man and orphans have in common?
There’s no way home.
What's the difference between an orphan and a second-hand book?
The second-hand book was loved once.
Why do orphans look so ugly?
Because they have a face not even a mother could love.
I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.
Because I am an orphan.