Family jokes

- Mommy, I want a bicycle!

- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!

April Fool's joke: Go to an orphanage and tell them, "Their parents came back."

"Knock knock."

Orphan: "Who's there?"

"Not your parents."

A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

So she could have someone to call daddy.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

The sexual shout "Yes Daddy" probably originated in Alabama.

Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?

Because they aren't family!

Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

Father: "I don't trust you. You poured your seed in my daughter's belly."

Son: "But Paah, you can't fire me."

Father: "You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you."

Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."

Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"

My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.

Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.

I was excited my teacher asked me for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.

These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.

The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”

Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”

The teacher says, “How do you know this?”

Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””