My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
So she could have someone to call daddy.
The sexual shout "Yes Daddy" probably originated in Alabama.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."
Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.
These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.
I was excited my teacher asked me for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.
What song do orphans hate the most? "We are family."
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””
One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
What do incest families do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.
