Do want to know why they call it an orphanage? Cause they couldn't call it orphans home
I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!
Son: Dad, why did name my sister Paris? Dad: Because she was made there. Son: Thanks, Dad. Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes? Family comes first
You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say "where are your parents?" the kid says "What are parents?
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
I wish my dad was home I haven’t seen him since the shot of 2008
Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
What do you say after committing incest?
No Chromo!
Hey Siri, where is my dad? Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas. HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen! Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas. ...WhAT-
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID. Son (in a happy tone): I know. Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad? Son: Well yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep ‘em in my basement until it’s time to hang ‘em from a tree.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
Richard: Mom, someone called me gay. Richard's mom: Why didn't you slap him across him face. Richard: No, I couldn't. Richard's mom: Why. Richard: Because he was cute.
a little boy decided to burn a house down. the father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "thats arson"
My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.
Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she's going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he's Doing REALLY Well
