Family jokes

Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.

I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.

Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.

Why did the kid named Jeff become gay? Because he grew up without a father figure. Hahaha, I love dark humor!

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."

Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.

What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?

The baby you just feed nails to.

Two skeleton brothers are talking.

1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

My son.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?

A virgin.

So, I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don't know what was funnier, the look on my wife's face, or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her.

Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."

The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.

I have a son. Her name is Zara.

I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?

An orphan.

Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.