Family jokes
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
Your mama is so stupid, when her phone died, she bared it, lol.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
Your mom.
Hi, Dad.
What do Chinese parents hate the most?
A newborn daughter...
"Is Mrs. Wall here?"
"No."
"Is Mr. Wall here?"
"No."
"Then what is holding up the walls?"
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"
The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"
He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
What's the best part about plowing your cousin?
- It makes your sister jealous.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.
How did Steven Hawking die?
His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!