Family jokes
Nobody really liked our fireplace.
So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why, but now everyone likes our fireplace.
Your mom is ugly.
Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.
He never sees his kids.
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
I went up to an orphan and asked where their parents were--they stared.
I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!
Me: Nothing, why?
Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.
Me that/every night: *sob*
Friends: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, fine.
Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em!
Cooper, your mum gay, lol.
Yo mama so fat, she died!
Why do orphans play GTA 5?
To get wanted!
What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?
Nothing, they both stain.
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...
Why do orphans play GTA?
To make them feel wanted.
Well, if someone ever calls you gay 🌈🏳️🌈, just say, "Well, at least I'm straighter than the pole your mommy dances on." 🤣🖕
Mom! (DYM 3)
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
Why do orphans play tennis?
It's the only way they get love.
He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.