We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
It's not my fault my cousin's hot ;) YEE YEE
Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
I lick cows for my mother.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
Daddy.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.
Billy got a bike and a soccer ball for his birthday from his uncle, but he was very upset. Why? Because he has no legs.
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
Your family.
Yo mama's so dumb, her dad said, "You're driving me crazy," and she said, "I didn't know crazy was a place!"
Yo mama so ugly, she had to ask Satan to help her give birth!
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
