Family jokes

What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?

You only see one asshole in 69.

Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!

Me: Nothing, why?

Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.

Me that/every night: *sob*

Friends: Are you okay?

Me: Yeah, fine.

Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...

Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em!

Cooper, your mum gay, lol.

Yo mama so fat, she died!

Why do orphans play GTA 5?

To get wanted!

What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?

Nothing, they both stain.

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

Why do orphans play GTA?

To make them feel wanted.

Well, if someone ever calls you gay 🌈🏳️‍🌈, just say, "Well, at least I'm straighter than the pole your mommy dances on." 🤣🖕

Mom! (DYM 3)

My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.

Why do orphans play tennis?

It's the only way they get love.

He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.

What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?

Family Feud.

What do orphans and dinosaurs have in common?

Their parents are extinct.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple actually gets picked.

Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

Why didn't the wife want sex?

Because they were having too many babies.