Family jokes

Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.

Mommy kisses my butt.

You know orphans are kinda like a house with no people in it.

Because it’s empty inside.

What's an orphan's most hated show?

The Fosters.

What's the food orphans can't eat?

Family-sized ice cream.

Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.

Guess why orphans can't play baseball? Because they don't know what home is.

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful cunt sat in his wheelchair all day.

So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.

Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."

Why did Orphan become famous?

Because he didn't need parent permission.

Q: Why do orphans get on Facebook?

A: Because they get liked.

Why do orphans love baseball?

Because it gives them a home to run to.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

Me: Dad, my phone is broken.

Dad: How?

Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.

Dad: Stupid.

Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad. Oh.... Wait... Continue.

My brother caught Covid last month.

First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

What do you call your mom?

Basement bound.

Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"