Family jokes
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
What does the drummer call his twins? Anna 1, Anna 2.
Dmitriy has no mother.
I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.
I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."
You wanna hear an orphan joke?
Okay, here it goes:
You.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
What is the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Mommy sits on my potty and sings a song about poop.
Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.
Mommy kisses my butt.
You know orphans are kinda like a house with no people in it.
Because it’s empty inside.
What's an orphan's most hated show?
The Fosters.
What's the food orphans can't eat?
Family-sized ice cream.
Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.
Guess why orphans can't play baseball? Because they don't know what home is.