Family jokes
What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?
Motherfuckers.
Girl: I like girls.
Dad: Ok?
Girl 2: I like girls too.
Dad: Okay, so who likes boys?!
Boy: I do.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple actually gets picked.
Orphans are cool.
What's the difference between an orphan and baseball?
In baseball, you know where home is.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
*P.O.V orphan wanting to go on school trip/camp*
Teacher: “Can I have your parent's signature? It isn’t filled out.”
Orphan: “Um yeah.... That’s gonna be hard....”
Teacher: “Why?”
Orphan: “I just have to find them first....”
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
Why don’t orphans have parents?
'Cause they were abandoned.
What do you call an orphan's home?
No home.
Why would an orphan kill his family? Because they weren't there.
Why can't orphans have iPhones?
Because they can't find the home button.
What do orphans call a holiday?
A bit of soil and some leaves as a blanket.
What instrument do orphans play?
The sax alone.
Why can’t orphans do homeschool? They don’t have a home to do so.
What is something an orphan's phone does not have?
Home buttons.
Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?
Me: Because they can't get a homerun.
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
Why did the orphan try to fly? It was trying to find its parents.
Why can’t orphans have a house pet?
Because its parents have it to itself.