Family jokes
Little Johnny was at home and then he went to his grandma's house. He went there to cuss so he wouldn't get in trouble, and secretly, Grandma called his momma to come pick him up.
Momma asked what Little Johnny did, and she said he cussed and cussed and cussed. Granny had enough and called Mom again. Momma said Little Johnny was grounded for 2 weeks, and Little Johnny cussed some more. Now he grounded for 3 weeks.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.
So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.
So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
Me: Can you give me some drumsticks to eat?
Brother: Why though?
Me: So I can just drum up an appetite.
Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
Did you know that if you go into an orphanage and tell them a "yo mama" joke, they won’t get it?
Conor MacGregor to Poirier: "Your wife is your husband!"
(After the fight, or should I say after the fracture.)
Poirier: Really, bitch?
Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.
Why do orphans hate going in public?
Because there's kids out with their parents.
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
Why don't orphans go to the park?
Because their parents can't push them on the swing!
Why don't orphans go to the park?
Because their parents can't push them on the swing!
Why don't orphans go to the park?
Because their parents aren't there to push them on the swing!
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because their parents aren't there to watch them!
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because their parents can't watch them!