Family jokes

So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.

He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.

Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"

The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."

The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.

So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

Why do orphans want to be communist?

So they would have a motherland.

Why did the orphan fail all his classes?

He couldn’t do his homework.

Why can't orphans play video games?

Because they don't have their parent's email.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

Stop making these, I am orphan, pls stop.

What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?

One you can unscrew.

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

My career is worth more than your adoption.

I love telling jokes about orphans.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.

The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!

Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.

I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.

Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."

What's the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back.

What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?

One actually gets picked.