Family jokes
What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?
One you can unscrew.
I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
My career is worth more than your adoption.
I love telling jokes about orphans.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."
My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.
So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."
What's the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
I can smell your kids!
Why can’t orphans tell jokes?
Because their parents can’t *bear* the *jeans* because they don’t have any.
When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"
When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."
Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.
Why do orphans hate mitosis cells?
They have parents.