Family jokes
My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."
What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Tesla?
I don’t have a Tesla in my garage.
What's the difference between an orphan and an orange?
One gets picked.
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
Because they have no home.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?
One goes up and one goes down.
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
Why do orphans love Home Alone?
They like to see a familiar picture.
When an orphan is playing baseball, how come the coach doesn't tell them to hit it home?
He has no home to hit to.
Ur mom. (Idk, I'm bored.)
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
Because they can't press the home button.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find their way to the store to see their dad.
My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.
What does Sonic say when he's bored?
Punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
Why can’t an orphan go on the field trip?
Answer: They don’t have a parent’s signature.
How to Make an Orphan cry
Step 1: Talk about Home.
Step 2: Ask them where their parents are.
Step 3: Say, "Bye Bye," and push them in the Batmobile!
Why can't orphans cross the street? Because they can't go home.
My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.
A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.