Family jokes
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"
Why can't orphans bake?
They don't have milk.
What do orphans do after they win a game?
Nothing, they have no one to play games with.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?
Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.
Me: Knock knock.
My sister: Who's there?
Me: I eat mop.
My sister: I eat mop who?
My mind: I eat my poo.
My sister getting it.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"
"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.
A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"
Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."
What's an orphan's favorite Spiderman movie?
"Spiderman: No Way Home."
Orphans: Sad, Depressed, Lonely, Virgin.
Orphan
Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.
Probably top.
Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
You heard of Spider-Man: No Way Home. Now get ready for:
Orphan: No Way Home.
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.