Family jokes
What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?
Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.
Me: Knock knock.
My sister: Who's there?
Me: I eat mop.
My sister: I eat mop who?
My mind: I eat my poo.
My sister getting it.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"
"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.
A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"
Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."
What's an orphan's favorite Spiderman movie?
"Spiderman: No Way Home."
Orphans: Sad, Depressed, Lonely, Virgin.
Orphan
Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.
Probably top.
Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
You heard of Spider-Man: No Way Home. Now get ready for:
Orphan: No Way Home.
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?
My big green pedo machine.
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.