Family jokes
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.
In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.
What's the definition of disgusting?
Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!
Why can't I be gay? I have nobody to call "daddy."
What do you call an orphan selfie?
A family photo.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "Daddy~"
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.
Why can't orphans have a home button on their phone?
Because they don't have homes.
Yo dad's so stupid, he came back after he got the milk.
Mom: Son, where are my condoms?
Son: What are condoms?
Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.
Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?
Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.
Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked at the mirror, I cracked up.
Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."
Yo mama was so fat, Huggy Wuggy couldn't fit his arms around her!