Family jokes
"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.
Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."
Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...
It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.
My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.
Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call daddy.
Why can't orphans have gay sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans go to sleepovers?
Their parents never say yes.
My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
What kind of flour do orphans use to bake bread?
Self-raising.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked.
Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.
Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?
Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.
Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?
A: "I'm calling your parents!"
Why can't orphans call their friends?
Because they don't have a home phone!
Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.