Family jokes
Welcome to Alex's orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.
My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.
Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.