"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?
"Two wongs don’t make a white."
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
