Family jokes
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?
Me & my dad!
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
How did the black woman name her 4 babies?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she differentiate them?
She called them by their last names.