Fall jokes
What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.
My boyfriend said if I kiss him, I'll get lucky. I fell down a flight of stairs.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.
Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.
At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.
While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that."
So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.
Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!
Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.
My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.
I'd make you fall harder than the South Tower.
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?
An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.
Why did James fall off the swing?
He had no arms.
Joe mama so fat, when she did the IShowSpeed dance, she fell five floors down.
Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.
Yo mama so fat, when she falls, they have to call 999 and a crane to pick her up.
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!
What falls first from a tree, an apple or an emo?
The apple... the emo just hangs there.