Failure jokes
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
Why did the gym close down?
Because it just didn't work out.
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.
What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
Call me an escalator because I let people down.
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.
Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
What happens when you suck?
You succ.
If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.
That one really *crashed and burned*.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.
Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?
Then there is me: My life.
Don't worry about missing a shot after yelling "Kobe". He didn't make it either.
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.