In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.
What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?
They sync properly.
Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?
Palpatine: Screw it.
You're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
My life is the joke.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.
They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!
A wild Iceberg appears. Go Titanic! Titanic uses Headbutt. The attack misses. Titanic faints.
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
I tried to high-five a tree. It left me hanging.
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!
- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!
Better than Elanga?
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
