Failure Jokes

My dad told me i'm a failure... I failed a math's test. Good thing theres a pole outside my house.

What you call suicide, I call failed speedrun attempt

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his bmw exhaust but his engine failed. This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.

I wrote an essay today about africa and I FAILED even though i wrote a perfect rendition of the hunger games storyline

I don’t usually tell 911 jokes the usually crash and burn

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something. Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

Why did the orphan fail all his classes? He couldn’t do his homework

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

4 kids at my school tried suicide and failed they are now known as the suicide squad

if you try to fail and you succeed which one did you do

A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said " I'm a failure at suicide too.".

Why did sally fail her final exam?

Because she had nothing written down.

What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."

The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."

The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"