Failure jokes

It's amazing how BLESSEDBRIAN manages to keep his head in the clouds while his FEET are FIRMLY PLANTED in mediocrity.

I've got not much of anything to be honest.

Been in special classes in school.

Not liked by people.

Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.

31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.

Not very smart.

Don't look good.

Hate myself more than anything.

Been a failure at everything in life.

Probably be alone forever.

People treat me like crap.

Can't do anything right.

And the list goes on and on.

So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.

What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it.

You keep your quality beans for the right season till you realize that you planted them on the infertile land.

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

Okay, good night everyone who has common sense! "Akeld," you did not make it.

Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?

Ben: I don't know.

Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.

I tried to catch fog today. I mist.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Windows didn’t update in time.

Depressed person: *chokes on food*

*involuntary coughs until they can breathe*

"AWWW! I failed the race!"

Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek?

No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.

What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.

Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter, so now I am dead!" Haha, it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

Why did ze cow cross the road?

yo watch his mum getting butchered she was an udder failure.

Joke: Why did the gym close down?

– It just didn’t work out.

You're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?

A Disap point ment.