Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
What is a photographer's favorite card game?
SNAP!
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
Hell you fuck bitch dick
Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?
Because she can listen to call music.
Why is six scared of seven?
Because seven eight nine
Why did the doctor get mad
Because he was losing he's patients
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
What do you call a phone that talks?
A reader in a leader.
They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?
I am in trouble.
What Do you call a deer that has no eyes
No ideas
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?
The Home Depot.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"
Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"
"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."
"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
