Machinery jokes

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

Q: What do you call a shed full of black fellas?

A: Retired Farming Machinery.

What is red and goes 200 miles per hour?

A baby in a blender.

What goes 200 mph and is red?

Babies in a blender.

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can watch the expression on their face.

What do black parents and elevators have in common?

Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?

A baby in a blender ;)

A young peasant coming from the field with his scythe on his shoulder notices an attractive young woman that was doing the laundry in a mountain stream, perched on some rocks near a waterfall.

The guy stops and leans against his scythe, fascinated by the young girl's beauty.

After minutes of watching her, she loses her balance, slips on a rock and falls all the way down, crushing her head on the white rocks.

Thoughtful, he puts his scythe back on his shoulder and walks away, saying to himself "Damn, another washing machine destroyed by limestone!"

You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.

So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Roses are red,

my life is a disaster,

the children are fast,

but the combine is F A S T E R!

You were born so fat they needed two cranes to carry you.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.

I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.