Face jokes

Do you like Imagine Dragons?

Imagine draggin' my balls on your face.

It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.

You when you face the boss the first time: :)

You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(

You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(

You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:

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Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

Your hairline is so far back that you have four faces to wash every day.

You're so ugly the densest told you to lay face down.

Your skin's so bright you could be used as a highlighter.

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

Q: My scale had my phone number on it. Wandering why, I looked up only to see an elephant in my face...

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"

In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

Wanna me to show you a joke?

*Points at face* Funny, right?

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.

Mo sal. F.

NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.

MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.