My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Face Jokes
Your chin is where I went on ski vacation.
"Jordan, motherfucker, your face looks like a slut, and your life is trash. Stop picking on kids and LEAVE THEM HELL ALONE!"
Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.
Imagine a dragon 🤔.
Imagine me dragging these nuts across your face.
Your face is horrific like the state of the Twin Towers.
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
What does the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
A Chinese, Japanese, South Korean, and North Korean all walk into a bar.
The Landlord says, "Why the same faces, lads?"
My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.
I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.
I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.
I needn't have bothered.
The next day, it was smeared all over my face.
Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?
In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.
Hey, do you remember that dragon thing?
Draggin' these balls across your face.
When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."
*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵
Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."
My face.
An old man gets a call from the IRS.
The man on the phone says, “We’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly, and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.
The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office, and the man there says, ”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies, ”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says, ”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says, ”Alright, last chance. I bet you 50,000 I can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible, so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agent’s desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “Haha! I got you now!” But the man's lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands, and says, “He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
