Euphemism jokes

What's red and has 7 dents? Snow White's cherry.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.

The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."

Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."

So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"

The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"

The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"

If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?

How do you stop a woman from choking?

Back up an inch.

I just busted a nut. A ginger nut.

Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.

What do you do when your cat's dead?

Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.

Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.

I’m only curious how they closed his casket.

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

How much semen can a gay man hold? A buttload.

Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.

The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.

The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.

In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.

My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:

Starters - role play and stripping.

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.

Dessert - Blowy.

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?