What's red and has 7 dents? Snow White's cherry.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?
I just busted a nut. A ginger nut.
Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.
I’m only curious how they closed his casket.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
What’s another name for cumming in a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
What do you call sex?
Making cake.
Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.
This news: family neuters furry son.
Why did the duck walk across the road? I lost my pecker!
I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.
