What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
What’s another name for cumming in a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
What do you call an army of disabled people?
Special forces.
Why did the duck walk across the road? I lost my pecker!
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.
What's red and has 7 dents? Snow White's cherry.
"Let's go Brandon!"
Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache?
Can I put deez nuts in yo cluts?
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."
What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?
Raisins.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."
