Equipment jokes

What do you call a 90-year-old black man?

Antique farming equipment.

Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?

Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.

The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"

The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."

The circular saw would reply with, "What?"

For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.

What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:

"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."

Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"

The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"

Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?

In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.

If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

Jackhammer McQueerson

Yo mama's so fat, a man has to bring climbing equipment to kiss her on the cheek.

Why did the DJ go to therapy?

Because he had too many issues with his TURNTABLE.

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.

A telescope has two uses:

1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.

My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?!"

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull dozer.