Equipment jokes
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
What does Marine stand for?
My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.
What do you call a group of black people in a shed?
Antique farm equipment.
What do you call a 90-year-old black man?
Antique farming equipment.
What did the mic say to the rapper?
"Don’t DROP me, bro!"
Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?
Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
Why did the parachute refuse to open?
Because it had a "fatal attraction" to the ground.
What did the rapper say to the microphone?
"You're my closet confidant!"
Why did the DJ go to therapy?
Because he had too many issues with his TURNTABLE.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the "mic drop" was too high!
How does a rapper start his day?
With a MIC check!
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.
How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
Q: What do you call a shed full of black fellas?
A: Retired Farming Machinery.