Employment jokes
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Memes
I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."
I had a job at a banana factory. I got fired because I threw away the bent ones.
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
Why did the flamingo cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off.
Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it’s a family business.
I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.
Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.
If you're waiting for a waiter at a restaurant, aren't you the waiter?
Why did the homophobic boy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing away the bent ones!
Why can't orphans get a job?
Because they don't have a home.
What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?
Panera Ned.
I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!
Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.
One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.
Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?
A: Because when you're there, you're family.
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.