Employment jokes

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Man: I'm here for the job interview.

Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.

Man: Just anywhere?

Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?

Man: Yeah, that's me.

(Shakes hands and sits back down)

Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?

Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.

Employer: I like you already, you're hired!

Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!

Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.

Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?

Employer: No.

Man: This... This is a photography job, right?

Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.

You're so ugly that when you came out of the haunted house, you had a job offer.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to his job at KFC!

I want to be a pornstar. Even if I completely suck, they will still give me a firm raise.

Orphans can’t work at Johnson and Johnson because it’s a family company.

What person can't work at a family business? An orphan.

Kid: Hi.

Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?

Kid: Why are you rude?

Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.

She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!

I lost my job at the bank today. A lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.

The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."

The students said, "Oof, that is sad."

The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"

The students said, "Your parents."

The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*

Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *pauses porn* Why?

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?

The Home Depot.

What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic? Free dog food.

Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.