Emotion jokes

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I cry when I chop up onions.

I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.

I love myself.

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

*Watches sad movie with family*

Everyone else: *Crying*

Sister: How aren't you crying?

Me: I have no tears left to cry...

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop onions.

Adriano loves life.

Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

I love the yyyy.

Me: Knock knock.

Person: Who's there?

Me: No-one.

Person: No-one who?

Me:...........

Why did the cliff feel offended?

Because George jumped OFF. ENDED his life.

(I'm sorry... No, I'm not!)

Why wasn’t the frog 🐸 crying?

Because he was hoppy.

I love dccfffghyyhh.

I miss seeing my friends and teachers.

I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.

Short people tend to get angry easily...

'Cause they're so close to the ground, their anger doesn't dissipate easily...

I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.

What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?

They both break your heart.

How do you make a plumber cry?

Break his pipes...