Emergency jokes
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?
Call 911.
My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.
Your mama so white that her first number was 911.
So the fire alarm went off, but as soon as they walked out of the classroom, the only fire they saw was out of a gun.
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Yo mama so clueless, she dialed 911 on the microwave.
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh for god's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...
Whenever I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
You were born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning building.
Priest: What about the children, Rabbi?
Rabbi: Fuck the children!
Priest: Do we have time?
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!