Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
What concert only costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Let's take a look at the Swedish bench for today's game. $12.99 from Ikea.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form consists of only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨
What is illegal in Africa? Water guns.
Mmmm, bread. I love Panera Bread.
This is unrelated, but where I live, there is no Panera Bread. Y'know what that's called?
No Panera Bread.
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
Why was Hitler broke?
The gas prices are outrageous.
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
What is the capital of Greece? -- About 10 dollars.
If Government can print money
Then why are we paying taxes?!?
What does a hooker and butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
It's called Costa Coffee because it's short for "Cost A lot for boiled, rancid dishwater."
The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.
The belt broke.
