We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
What concert only costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Let's take a look at the Swedish bench for today's game. $12.99 from Ikea.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form consists of only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨
What is illegal in Africa? Water guns.
Mmmm, bread. I love Panera Bread.
This is unrelated, but where I live, there is no Panera Bread. Y'know what that's called?
No Panera Bread.
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
Why was Hitler broke?
The gas prices are outrageous.
President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon.
Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
What is the capital of Greece? -- About 10 dollars.
My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."
LOL
Why do orphans eat an ice cream cone?? They can't afford a family pack.
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
