Eating

Eating jokes

Mama

    • Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"

    Eating memes

    Time

    • One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."

    Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."

    Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."

    So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."

    And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."

    Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."

    I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.

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    • Cereal

    • I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.

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    • Salad

    • It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.

    In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.

    Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?

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    • Bingo

    • After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

    During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

    Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"

    Paper

    • Why does the paper follow up with wine because it was junk? Do wrong, so wrong that you don’t even exist because nobody even eats it. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Haha ha ha! Haha ha haha ha ha! Ha hah hah hah ha!

    Monkey

    • A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.

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    • Pussy

    • Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?

    Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."

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