Eating jokes

What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?

Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!

You know how Joe Biden is happy?

When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.

Your mum is so fat she eats all day!

Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?

A: Eat my dust.

"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."

I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.

Have you tried eating a clock?

It's time-consuming!

What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.

Why did the human eat cereal in the bathroom?

So he could querk.

Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.

Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"

Why did the skeleton eat tacos?

Because he was hungry.

Would you rather eat a brick or a matter baby?

Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!

Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?

Why do fat cows eat fat cows? Because I wrote this in America.

Why is a sweet potato casserole so sweet? Because it's so sweet to eat!

This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"

The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.

What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?

People don't eat their broccoli.

I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.

My mom was poor, so we had nothing to eat. I slept on the floor, but now I'm rich, rich, rich 😜