Eating jokes

Why is every number scared of 7?

Because 7 "ate" 9.

Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.

Vegetarian: I prefer plants.

Herbivore: I just like food.

Cannibal: I'm a people person.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite thing to eat from? The children's menu.

What is a cannibal's favorite drink?

Coffee.

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?

Kentucky Fried Children!

What's it called when you eat those same babies?

Finger Lickin' Good!

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.

My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.

Well, because it's impastable.

I just busted a nut. A ginger nut.

Omnom.

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.

What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?

Freeze burgers.

Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”

Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

Just watched my friend take a steak out of her pocket. That steak was so outta pocket.

Vegans: Save the Earth.

Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass.

Kenny is a comfort snacker.

Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.