Eating jokes
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
Knock knock. Who's there? Artichokes. Artichokes who? Artichokes when he eats too fast.
Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?
They like to bone a petite.
10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.
It's true though
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
— Steven Wright
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.
The teacher said she made the kids guess what a random word was, and it was honey. She also gave them a sample of honey to make it a little easier.
Teacher said that it was something that you eat and what parents call each other. Little Johnny said, "I know what it is now! Spit them out now guys, their Buttholes!"
Why did the farmer eat a fork?
'Cause he's a dumbass.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Yo mama so fat, when she plays Undertale, Omega Flowey's mouth isn't big enough to eat her!
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.
The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"
Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"
A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.
She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."
The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.
Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)