Eating jokes
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bay.
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
Knock knock. Who's there? Artichokes. Artichokes who? Artichokes when he eats too fast.
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.
Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?
They like to bone a petite.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
— Steven Wright
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.
The teacher said she made the kids guess what a random word was, and it was honey. She also gave them a sample of honey to make it a little easier.
Teacher said that it was something that you eat and what parents call each other. Little Johnny said, "I know what it is now! Spit them out now guys, their Buttholes!"
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
Yo mama so fat, when she plays Undertale, Omega Flowey's mouth isn't big enough to eat her!
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.