New Eating Jokes - Page 42 - Worst Jokes Ever

What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?

Survival Guilt.

What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.

Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.

Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.

What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

Who likes eating ass?

My Little Pony.

What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?

People don't eat their broccoli.

The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.

What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?

As fat as Ben Dingley.

I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don't get them!

New Orleans cuisine has always been my favorite; however, I only eat gumbo on oc-cajun.

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

These are all of my terrible jokes.

Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright, but the reception was amazing.

A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says, "Does this taste funny to you? I'm joking of course!"

Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs." The doctor said, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says, "Dam!"

A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out for a "small medium at large."

A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem.

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh.

A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric walk into a bar. The cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens.

What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart.

I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis.

A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart.

Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico.

What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels were a lie.

What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck.

Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall? I don't know. I'm asking you.

Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker? She has dementia.

There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.