Eating

Eating jokes

What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!

What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!

What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!

What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?

Time to get a new Christmas tree! πŸŽ„

A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."

"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"

Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"

The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."

"What the FU***** SH**"

Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.

My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.

Well, because it's impastable.

Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?

A: To hide up cherry trees.

Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?

A: Giraffes eating cherries.

Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

A. Because they hate the taste of their stupid clown wigs, makeup, and retarded shoes.

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.

How are babies and watermelons similar?

They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.

"Knock knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Baby!"

"Baby who?"

"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"

"No thanks, I already ate."