Dying jokes
Twin monks who ring the church bells died.
Now they are dead ringers. :)
Also gehen Addison, Gwen und Bradley alle in eine Bar. Dann schreien sie alle an, sie sollen aufhören, Bier zu trinken, weil sie es nicht mögen. Dann schreien sie den Barkeeper an und sagen, er solle das Bier nicht verkaufen, weil sie es nicht mögen. Die Kunden lachen sie als Paviane aus.
Was machen Addison, Gwen und Bradley? Sie kommen auf diese Seite und argumentieren, dass Witze zu gemein sind, und weil sie sie nicht mögen, stoppen sie jeden, der sie als WITZ macht. Das Ende.
Yo mama so ugly, she the real reason all the dodos died.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
When does an emo get jealous at a phone?
When it dies.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
Jesus can’t judge gay people, because he got nailed before he died.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
How did Michael Jackson die?
Because he danced like a zombie!
What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?
She can't say no!
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”
St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.