Duck Jokes

Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!

Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!

What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

What do you call a duck on drugs A quackhead.

If chickens wake up when the Rooster crows, then when do ducks wake?

At the quack of dawn.

hello! Why did the duck cross the road? To prove he wasnt chicken

What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?

A male Duck on Viagra.

What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?

A very pissed duck

Why is Donald duck the president? Because Donald Trump has a duck

The four Daisies:

Princess Daisy Daisy Duck Daisy Wells Daisy Dove Bloom

What did the duck do when he crossed the road?- the duck jumped into a pool of ant piles💀 💀

i can’t take my dog to the park anymore. why? the ducks keep trying to eat him. why would they do that? because he’s pure-bread.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

what do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?

a peking duck

why was the duck arrested?

because it was caught selling quack

What do you call a fat duck?

Donald D*ck

Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?

A: Idk but it's acting really duckpressed.

3 blonde were walking on a path, the first blonde said, “Hey look there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way those are totally duck tracks,” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh those are” then they got hit by a train.

I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say quack quack.

A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”

1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. 2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon. 3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.” 4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. 5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river. 6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils. 7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope. 8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves. 9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match. 10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee. 11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”). 12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted. 13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff. 14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat. 15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball. 16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing. 17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.