Duck jokes
Lol, dick, I'm the dick and duck.
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.
What do you call a retarded duck?
Fuck duck and lick my balls.
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The bartender says, "No bread here."
And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"
And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."
So the duck says, "Got any nails?"
And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
What happened
Why is Donald Duck the president? Because Donald Trump has a duck.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
What's the difference between a duck?
One of its legs are both the same!
Duck my sick.
The four Daisies:
Princess Daisy
Daisy Duck
Daisy Wells
Daisy Dove Bloom
How do you f**k a duck?
Usually duck a f**k.
What's the best part about duck tape?
It turns "No, no, no!" into "Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm!"
It makes it real easy to get to home base on that first date, too.
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
I don't like Trump because he has ruined my kind's greatest man, Donald Duck.
I am so disappointed in this race.
Brown skinned street shitters, goddamn, the lowest of the low southeast Asians, lazy monkey pig-dog duck fetus eating rice brainlets always on their phones, no IQ, ugly, uncivilized untermensch subhumans.
What did the duck do when he crossed the road?
The duck jumped into a pool of ant piles! 💀💀
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks.