Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract." Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What does Mickey's wife drive?
A Minnie-Van!!
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemmetary has.
Q: why cant helen keller drive? A: because shes a woman
Man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is with an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!". "Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached".
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar. “May I smoke a cigar?” Asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied “No.” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his Grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” Asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Granpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” Asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building. So he had a much better flying record.
When your driving past a graveyard say: wow people were just dying to get in there.
He dead, he alive but most importantly he got a new hard drive
What's the difference between America and a flash drive? One is USA and the other is USB 😂😂😂
A Pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly the man answers I dont wake up the kids.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby its a "choice". But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children its called "murder".
I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”
Why did the leper fail his driving test? He left his foot on the clutch
Why was the computer so good at golf? because he had a hard drive
how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.” The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”
why did the boy get run over ? sally was driving
They said I couldnt drive. now they know i cant cause they are all dead
