Drive jokes
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
Memes
What type of car did Hitler drive? A gas-guzzler.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.
If you drink, don’t drive. People cause accidents.
If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.
Why can’t Indian women drive?
They’re too used to riding their camels.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Me dozing off while driving.
Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
What car does Hitler drive?
A Fuhrerri.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.