Drive jokes

I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.

A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.

Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

'Cause she's already dead.

What car do elves drive?

Toy-yodas.

Why were the people in the Twin Towers mad? They wanted a drive-through pepperoni pizza, but got a fly-through plane instead.

Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!

What do autistics, women, and chinks have in common? They can't fuckin' drive.

What do you call a rapper's favorite place to eat?

The MIC Donald's drive-thru.

A young, innocent little girl is playing hopscotch, and she says, "You step on a crack, you break your mama's back." Then she steps on a crack, so her mother's back proceeded to break slowly. Then she said, "You step on a line, you break your dada's spine," but the neighbor's spine broke, and in happiness, the thought-to-be previous father gets in his car and drives through the garage door...

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"

If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.

I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.

I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.

Wait, there aren't any road bumps.

O h s h i t.

A computer usually has a HARD drive. LESSON. No wonder they remember things.

"Prince, please help me. This faker is driving me crazy!"

Why can’t Helen Keller drive? She’s dead.

I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.

A Mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car, and the passenger asked, "Where are we going?"

The Mexican says, "I'm not driving, the drunk guy is."