AG

I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.

Your mom is so ugly, that she use Snapchat filters to make her pretty.

Your is so ugly, that she made a mirror shatter.

Your mom is so dumb, that somebody told her 'go get a life', she go play Super Mario, and get an 1-up.

I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems. So I bought 2.

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there.

Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.

My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.

What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.

What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.

What is Hitler's least favorite fish? Jewfish.