Newest Double Jokes - Page 2 - Worst Jokes Ever

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort there twins. Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road."

Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed??

Because their parents can't!

Yo mamas so fat, she invented double doors!

You are the reason double doors were invented

Time for double joke tuesday

What is a bird's favorite letter?

A C gull

So I won a round of CSGO with my team, then on VC, some kid trash talked me

Kid: Your a dick, you know!

Me: And your a pussy, you know?

A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka they guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.

Bartender: Hey that’s some nice jewellery you have there it must be expensive.

Guy: Yeah this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It costs me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain eh.

Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What you do for a living?

Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.

Bartender: What? If that’s the case then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer. You’re a hypocrite that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.

Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right I m living with double standards to justify my actions.

(5 seconds later)

Guy: Aye open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!

What did the orphan get for Christmas nothing because his parents ran away double whammy orphan jokes r like a kid with cancer it never gets old 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌

My friend talking to fat boi : I can order you at McDonalds’. Double Big Mac triple quarter pounder cheese burger

Water to his Dad, Steam: Hi, Dad, I mist you! Steam: double-you(w). aich(h). ay(a). tee(t)?

A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus,the bartender says "Don't you mean a Martini?"the Roman then says "Look,if I want a double I'll ask for one.

Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets! UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!! Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE! Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematoriom you're doing "a good job" do it at home and your "destroying evidence." Error sans: every time you make a typo, the errorists win..

I hate these double standards.

if you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job" if you do it at home you're "destroying evidence"

What’s Bin Laden’s favourite drink? Double Manhattan.

My friends mother thought a kid who had autism and downsyndrome. He called him a “double down”

If u want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents. Double! Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere! Triple! Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasnt wearing his seatbelt.

If you are going to make fun of someone make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy. Dark humor is like a kid with cancer it never gets old.

Stephen Hawkins died because his wife misunderstood him when he said "My Windows Needs Updating" she had the double glazing removed and he fell out and died.