DoS jokes

How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?

A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.

Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"

I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.

What do you call a Dino stripper?

A dinowhore.

What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

Why do short people laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

How do you make an emo jump?

A cliff.

How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

A meltdown.

What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.

Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?

A waist of time.

F is for friends who don't talk to you.

U is for Ur alone.

N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

What do you call a Mexican under a carpet? Underlay, underlay.