What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: The highway.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
Why do orphans hate hide n seek?
'Cause they can't find their parents.
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
Why do orphans support slavery?
They finally have an owner.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
I would roast you, but the mirrors do when you look at them.
What do KFC and pussy have in common?
Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.
I made it, DON'T COPY!!!
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
Answer: A bath bomb.
