DoS jokes
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
What do you call a passport for Mandalorians?
A Pre Visa!
Memes
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!
What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?
Reality.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
What do lesbians do while having their period?
They finger paint.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.