DoS jokes
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
What do lesbians do while having their period?
They finger paint.
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
Memes
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
What do you call 2 Indians on a dating website? Connect the dots.
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?
Vegetable soup.
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because dad never came back with the milk.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
Daddy.
What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?
Tropical depressions.