“What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
Today my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings and when my brother walked past my mom asked me a question "what do you think of going through kids heads during a school shooting " That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom "bullets" we don't talk about this anymore
Q. What do you call a Mexican Jedi? A. a PadaJuan
Why do I only date orphans? Because they never have daddy issues
what do get when you cross a road with a stalker?
Raped
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator
Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222) so she went to the the doctor on 51st street (6922251) and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)
Boobless
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
what do ambulances and gay men have in common? they both take it in the back and go whoop whoop :D
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
One day Nathan came in ten minutes late to Mr Jones's class. Mr Jones asked him, "Nathan, what do you have to say for yourself?" Nathan says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill. Then Dave came in a further ten minutes late to Mr Jones's class. Mr Jones asked him, "Dave, what do you have to say for yourself?" Dave says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill. Then Mike came in a further ten minutes late to Mr Jones's class. Mr Jones asked him, "Mike, what do you have to say for yourself?" Mike says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill. Then five minutes later a new girl walked in to Mr Jones's lesson. Mr Jones is at the end of his tether now and says, "Who are you and why are you late?" The new girl says, "Sir, I'm called Cherry Hill"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.
How do you know when an orphan is lying.
When they say I swear on my mother’s life
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love. I had to pay a hooker for, twelve hours work. ... I felt nothing, but its was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? - Because they don't C#.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo? A selfie
