DoS jokes

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.

What do you call a dead parrot?

Polygon.

How do you make an octopus laugh?

You give it ten tickles.

What do you call a Mexican Baptism?

Bean Dip.

I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.

How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?

When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.

How do you know when Helen Keller is home?

Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!

I was gonna walk up to an emo and say, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?

JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.

Technoblade be doing skyblock in heaven now.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being a respectful friend.

But do it at home and you’re destroying evidence.

What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?

Suicide Boomer.

Police: Where do you live? Blonde: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Blonde: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Blonde: Together. Police: Where is your house? Blonde: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Blonde: If I tell you, you won't believe me. Police: Tell me. Blonde: Next to my house.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave children's rooms with an empty sack.

What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?

A cliffhanger.

What do you do when you see a sad orphan?

Nothing, let them wait for their parents.